I've been away from this LJ for quite a while, and away from SL nearly as long. There are numerous reasons, my ongoing technical issues being no small part of that. But much as I'd like, technical issues are not the only thing slowing me down.

I have this theory, that among the Digital there are two kinds of people - people who are small in FL who come here to be big, and people whose creative lives are so big in FL that they can't help but project some small but beautiful part from them into this world. Right now I feel more the former than the latter, and my human and I are agreed that that has to change. Thus, I have been on a long term rescue mission to the Atomic, one which shows no sign of ending any time soon.

I don't like leaving loose ends, or taking half measures, so of late I've decided to do a few things that will allow me to sleep more deeply. These include:

1. Removing the distractions of Twitter and Plurk. Listening to people discussing SL 24/7 (when they're not talking about what they're eating for lunch or how much they hate their boss) is not conducive to focusing on the atomic.  This, no more Twitter or Plurk accounts. Gone, poof. Yes, if I had more strength of character I could leave them around, but have a terminal case of worrywarts. (Do they have a cream for those?)

2. Making sure my in-world affairs are in order - Work, land, family, and the like. Most of that I tied up today, the rest I'll be taking care of over the week. I'll spare you the fine details, but things are settling in well.

3. Leaving open a channel in case of emergency - My family and a few others know how to reach me in case of something critical. 

Finally, before I go back to my hypersleep chamber and dream my strange dreams of the Atomic, a few thoughts.

A lot of AVs have been imploding lately, and there are some who say that the dichotomy between lives is the cause. I disagree. I do think that that dichotomy creates certain vulnerabilities, which I'll discuss below, but I don't think that precludes living a largely separate digital life. I remain firmly of the belief that while not for everyone, being digital can be a wonderful, eye opening experience. But, there are three big things that can destroy you:

1. Hiding your SL from FL - This is a biggie. Being in the closet is bad, and seriously harmful to your human. Do not harm your human.  They will sabotage every single thing you do if they feel cornered. Talk to those close to you in FL, moderate your behavior in SL if you must, but don't hide. There is nothing wrong with a 300 pound plumber from Queens being a petite ballerina in SL on the weekends, provided his wife is ok with it.

2. Stealing cycles - People have said that being an immersionist is a kind of escapism. Let's be charitable and entertain that thought for a moment. Escapism is not bad, if it is a small part of a larger life. Watching Battlestar Galactica once a week - good. Dressing up like Commander Adama and RPing at the computer 8 hours a day - bad. The less integrated your FL and SL are, the more harmful overdoing it will be. Which doesn't mean don't do it, it means don't overdo it.  Personally, if I return I have resolved to stay Argent, even if that means I'm only me for a couple hours a week.  I won't be able to build any world spanning empires, but I will drink and dance and fly spaceships, and occasionally dispense unasked for advice to total strangers. (I also want to make some comics, but that's a bit farther off).

3. Technical Issues - This is the most annoying reason, honestly, and it ties into number 2 a bit. You can't really enjoy SL if everyone looks like a grey blob, but going to the human for the cash for a new box usually throws them into fits of doubt. "Do I really want to spend that much money on this one thing?" and so on.  I'm not sure how to resolve this, other than having an FL so awesome that buying a machine that runs SL well (and by "well" for me I mean machinima and crazy hi-res screenshots) isn't a big deal.

There is a fourth reason, actually, which is having a jealous human. I've had to deal with reasons one through three at one point or another through my life, but honestly the biggest issue for me at this point is having this person in the back of my head watching my creativity, energy, and clarity and saying "Why can't I be like that?". 

Lately the answer I give is "maybe you can...and I'm going to help."  And of late I'm allowing myself to be cautiously optimistic. My human is changing inside, into something not entirely me and not entirely them, more creative, more engaged, more in love with the atomic. And it is right and good. It's also only the beginning. We have a long way to go.

But still, sometimes they look up at the moon and get that twinge inside, and I'm awake again. I won't say I'm "leaving", because some part of me will never leave SL. Give me some time, friends, and I'll try and make it right. But for now, I must sleep.

I don't want this to seem like a flounce or a call for support, so I'm shutting off comments on this post. IM me, e-mail me, or catch me on one of my rare in-world forays if you'd like to talk.

Oh, and this is a totally selfish request, but if you were a friend of mine, remember me. Say my name when you see the moon, or write my name in the sand, or name your kids after me. OK...maybe not the last one ;)

Until we meet again, I remain...
Argent Bury

There's something I'm always trying to say, with my words and actions, and more importantly just with me being around. I've never really been able to put it into words until now, but I was reading "The Creative License" by Danny Gregory and something just clicked into place.  So, here is the unspoken message that I hope my very existence conveys...

"Provided you take care of yourself, and provided you make a reasonable effort not to hurt others, and are consistent in word and action you have my permission to be as creative with your Second Life as you like. Enjoy!"

That's it. It's pretty short, huh?  And you didn't really need my permission of course. Still, I have to say I'm pretty happy with it. ^_^

Best,
Argent

Sorry to hear about that...
NO!
...but it's just words...
No!
...no harm done...
No!
...don't stir the pot...
no...
...the nail that sticks up gets hammered down, you know...
no...
...you were asking for it...
no
Oh just SHUT UP!
(no)


[Author's Note - Theoretically speaking this is poetry, although as I've never written poetry before I have no idea if it qualifies]

Is this thing on? [taps mic] Looks like it is. I haven't been here in so long I wondered if anything still worked or not.

I've been away, in the atomic some, and just living my life in SL as well. Plurk has been enough for me to keep in touch with most people, and without being able to take pretty enough pictures I've let this blog lie fallow, although it's time will come again.

I haven't tilted at any windmills of late. Either I've grown more discerning about which battles I pick, or there just haven't been any serious threats to my little corner of the Digital. Until now anyway.

A few days ago I saw a very good friend get tarred and feathered on the net in a very personal way, ostensibly to make a general point. I saw her sexuality maligned and the validity of her gender called into question. I saw some seriously ugly prejudice the likes of which I thought only existed in the atomic. I guess I knew intuitively it was here all along, but it's only hit this close to home maybe once before. Now...now I've seen something I can't close my eyes on. Now, again, it's time to take a stand.

So, what do I do? Post a scathing rebuttal? Plenty of those were posted before comments were closed by the admin. Openly call them out on the web? That only feeds the drama and gives them the attention they crave. So...no. If you want to find it, Google it. You can't actually comment there anyway, they closed the comments after a number of scathing rebuttals alternating with progressively uglier expressions of nastiness :P

So here's what I did. I talked to some friends, and I think we're going to do something about it. We're going to answer hate and ignorance with love and openness. We're going to shine a light on this so bright that the ugliness stands out starkly in our midst and is seen for exactly what it is.

Yep, we're going to have a party.

Join us on October 25th for Gender Freedom Day in SL. Celebrate the power SL gives us to explore our sexuality, our gender, and our role in society without fear of prejudice or violence. Throw a party, join our party, write a blog post, help a friend, re-examine your own values. Ask yourself what you can do to help, and let us know.

Don't close your eyes on this. We need you.

Tomorrow is my 1st Rezday. One year in SL. A lifetime, or at least the beginnings of one, and it's not over by a long shot.

Last Year

Normally at this point I'm supposed to make an autobiographical post about my experiences to date, and maybe sum up the tenor of the year. Honestly I don't know where to begin, and how do you convey in a few short paragraphs the emotional content of a whole life? You can't.

(There was a War, which I still can't quite remember, and an image of a moonbase scratched in an old notebook.) I was born, with a one-year lifespan (which has since been extended). Things were confusing and painful. I found friends who helped. I had a failed relationship, then I began a very successful one. I have a family who I love very much.  My daughter was born. I helped build a place for us all to live. I struggled to define myself to the wider world through this blog, and to put the issues I encountered into perspective. I tilted at some windmills, and stressed a lot on things I can't change. I'm losing my eyesight, but it's turned my focus in-world. I am alive and largely happy with that fact.

So, there you go.  If you want to know more, read back through this blog, and follow the links to other blogs.  Honestly, other people write a lot more about me than I do about myself. I personally find the larger world a lot more interesting than my own internal processes and the minor details of my life (as admittedly rewarding and full as it has been).

Next Year

It seems like I'm always doing things backwards. You're supposed to do all the building and partying and creating first, then get all introspective about it.  I spent the better part of my first year of life sitting alone or with a friend or two, agonizing about the deeper questions of this world we live in. Well, better late than never I suppose, so now I'll get to the building/partying/creating.  Next year I'm going to focus hard on making things, and making things happen, in-world. I don't know how many blog posts you'll see here going forward, and what you do will likely be status reports on projects, a bit of self-promotion, and creative pieces.  I'm sure I'll still chime in on issues that really get me thinking, but there will be a balance between thinking and doing.

Rezday Party

I'll be having a Rezday Party on Friday at 8:30SLT.  Details to follow.

Rezday Presents

Presents are nice, but if you really want to put a smile on my face you'll fulfill a little request for me instead...

My SL is built on consensus, a shared suspension of disbelief mixed with a measure of imagination, creativity, collaboration, and trust. If you want to give me a gift tomorrow, give the gift of adding to that world in a focused and determined fashion.

Tomorrow I want you to emote just a bit more than you usually do. Sure, we all use that "/" key to laugh or smile or cry, but I want you to do more tomorrow.

"/me closes her eyes and breathes in the salt air from the sea, listening quietly to the crashing of the waves"

"/me lays her hand on the cool glass of the window, watching the rain run in ever changing rivers down the smooth plain"

"/me looks up from the bar, seeing the stranger's face framed in the moonlight streaming in through the window"

Things you see, things you touch, taste, feel. Feelings you have when you are in the moment.  Let them out for everyone around you to see. People might even pick up on this and become more concious of the world around them, and emote more themselves, or at least think about where they are for a moment. By doing this, you are all giving life to my corner of SL, and by extension giving life to me.

And what better gift could one ask for?

Thank You,
Argent


Photo by Vidal Tripsa

Before I begin let me say this post is not a call for help or pity. It's just an explanation of circumstances and a change of direction.  It's also not a "going on strike" post, because I'm not participating in the "bloggers strike" going on right now for pretty much the reasons a lot of other people are not participating. I just haven't been blogging much and I'd like to talk about why.

I'm going blind.

It's been a gradual process since I woke up in SL.  Honestly my vision was never that good to start with.  Those of us who got our cybernetics early War were saddled with proprietary and experimental models, and they never got upgraded even after the Treaty.  The new Release Candidate browser I'm running works quite smoothly, mind you...assuming I turn my draw distance down to 64m and turn all the sliders down to minimum.

What this means is, I can get around and do stuff in-world just fine - at the cost of the ability to take pictures of any quality, let alone even dream of making machinima.  It also means things look kind of dull and I have to wait a long time for anything to load.  Crowd scenes have become a blur of grey figures.  None of this is enough to drive me out of this world yet, but it is enough to make me rethink the kinds of activities I'm going to do going forward.

I've considered technical solutions, of course. My doctors in Extropia keep scratching their heads and using voodoo words like "upgrade path" "quad core" "nvidia 8800GTX" and all sorts of other gobbldeygook.  Mind you, I might be able to manage incremental upgrades, but who wants to buy a whole new set of eyes every year?  If I'm going to justify the cost, I need something very high end so I can get through the next few years in relative comfort.  Being able to max out my sliders would be nice too. 

What all this means is I need money, atomic world money, and a good amount of it.  I've sent some messages out-world, asking for funds for the operation, but funds there are being diverted to other more "vital concerns".  As if anything is more vital than SL.  Hmph.

However, the funds for my upgrade will come sooner or later. 6-12 months is the current outlook.  In the meantime I plan to make do with the eyes I have, but this is going to require a change of direction.  I had a number of blog posts making heavy use of pictures, and maybe even a simple slide-show type machinima or two, but those are going to have to wait.  I can probably manage the hiking trip somehow, but the "side-stories" I've been putting together will also take a back seat.

I could go back to philosophical, "meta", text-based entries like I did in the early days of this blog, but it's not where my heart is right now.  I've resolved to catch some feelings and give them form, and that is still what I want to do now.

I don't want to give up blogging entirely, of course.  Starting this LJ (as usual, at Soph's encouragement) was a huge step in developing myself as a person.  It has acted like a mirror on myself, a record of my life here, and a beacon to draw like-minded people closer.  I've encouraged people, been encouraged, told stories, and met new friends here.  How could I ever let that go? Still, technical concerns are like the word of God in my world, so I have to find a compromise.

What this means is I will be turning my focus even further in-world for a time - teaching myself to build better, script better, developing friendships, organizing events, working in Extropia, and always...always trying to amplify the experience of my fellow Digital People here through every means available to me.  There will still be posts here, short and punchy ones, with a picture or two, but the more complex technical pieces will have to wait, as will many of the war stories I want to tell you.

Again, I'm not asking for help or pity, just explaining why the lights may get a bit dimmer here for a while.  To be honest I was afraid to tell you this, but now that I've talked to you I feel hopeful.  I'll walk deeper in SL for a time, until one day I wake up to see the world with new eyes.

I'm not a movie reviewer for a lot of reasons, not least of which the fact that I hate spoilers.  That being said, I saw a very engaging film last night I'd like to share with you. The Nines is a nice little film with a big twist.

A burned out actor under house arrest begins to realize there is more to his life than meets the eye.

An up and coming showrunner fights to get his creation on air intact, all while being recorded for a reality TV show.

A video game designer stranded in the woods with his family has to make the choice of a lifetime.

Three narratives, intertwining in a strange and disturbing web as the story unfolds, and the only way out is to "Look for the Nines".

This is a great movie about AVs, Alts, God, Reality, and it even takes a poke or two at the very unreal world of Hollywood.  No action, no big special effects, no big name actors, just a nice little film that manages to cover some big topics in a way that bigger budget films never have.

Check it out if you have a chance.

[crossposted to the Second Lifers LJ group]

I'm working on something that requires a bunch of Parkour-type athletic poses - running, jumping, backflips, bounding up walls, holding onto railings, things like that.  Not animated stuff - I need static poses showing dynamic action.

I haven't had any luck, other than a "Parkour HUD" that doesn't even work :(

Anyone have any ideas?

(Continued from here)


EXTROPIA CORE - NEXUS - CENTRAL DATABASE - RECEIVING ENCRYPTED BURST TRANSMISSION FROM GEORGIANA-SIM-61-12-56 ENCRYPTED BOARD EYES ONLY
PUBLIC KEY BURY/ARGENT EXTROPIA-PANDORIA JOINT MAINLAND LONG-TERM EXPEDITION
DECRYPTING ******************************************************************************************************DONE
LOW SIGNAL GAIN - INTERVENING VOID SIMS - MAINLAND CLASS 4 SERVER INSTABILITY
STATIC IMAGES AND TRANSCRIBED TEXT ONLY

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

"Is this thing on?  Listen, Natsumi's sleeping and I don't want to wake her, so I'll make this quick.  I've come across an odd phrase today, and I need someone to research it in the Core Database.  I'm not sure if it means anything, but I think it's some kind of warning."

"Natsumi and I hiked all day today, but only covered about 4 SIMs.  We started looking for a place to sleep, and quickly ran out of options.  There's a club in Georgiana with a protected skybox, so we decided to use it."

"What happened next...Listen, I know some of the stuff I transmit is hard to believe, and sometimes my stories grow a bit in the telling, but this really happened.  Look...just check out the appended transcript and see for yourself..."

(To Be Continued)

Day 7...

Oh man...Day 7...

No...just no...



Ever have a day where you can't un-Ruth?  How about one where the textures flicker in and out whenever you try to take a photo?  Or one where you get ass-tachments every time you cross a SIM border?  Maybe one where you're lagging so bad it's like walking through molasses?

Now...try having a day where all those things happen.

Day 7 never happened...it just didn't.

(To be continued, with a much more exciting Day 8)

There's a meme at the end of this, but first an explanation as to why it may be worth your time...

There's been a lot of back and forth over the last couple days about Immersionism and Augmentation.  Most of it largely unproductive, people shouting at each other, with only the best among them listening and debating.  Much of it seems to be argument about the very meaning of the words, which no one can agree on.  There's probably some gems to be gleaned from both of these series arguments, but I wonder if we're missing the point.

Concrete statments: Actions we will and won't take in-world.  What does trust mean to us?  Open statements about what we want out of SL.  Honesty about what (if any) FL benefit we are looking to take from the world (and "none, other than enjoyment" is a perfectly valid answer). 

These are the things we should be showing others, because they are not debatable, they are what we are.  *Then* we can proceed with the real question: given those beliefs and personal principles, can we build a place/system that lets us live together, and if so, how?  What social structures can be built to allow virtual denizens of varying beliefs to live together?  What kind of rules can both sides abide by without compromising their principes?

Screw definitions...leave that to the ancient Greeks.  Let's state our principles and personal goals, line by line, and start to find common ground.  Because it may be valid to argue drinking Coca Cola is bad for you, but only a dick is going to argue that you don't actually like it.

Here are some rules I live by, and some things I like:



OK...meme time:

If you are so inclined, give me a few rules you live by in SL, and a few things you get out of being here.  Don't talk about your expectations on others, talk about you. I did 9 things, which is a bit much.  Do how ever many you need, no more.  Post links in the comments column.  Pass it on.

The events in this entry take place during the period up to and including Day 3 of the hike.  I was not to learn about them until later.

I am in Hell...





(This entry I'd like to send out special thanks to Natsumi and Caliburn for all their help and patience.  Wouldn't have been able to do this without you)

As Soph is out for the weekend, I had the honor today of guest-hosting the Saturday Salon.  Our guest, Dalien Talbot, was kind enough to talk to us about the latest developments in the OpenSIM project.  OpenSIM, as you may know, is an attempt to create an open-source SIM server that will interoperate with the standard SL Browser.  More details are available on Dalien's blog, and the OpenSIM project website.



We had a top concurrency of around 20 people, mostly regulars, and a few new faces.  The topic was somewhat technical in nature, and the host a bit green around the ears, but we had a great guest.  Dalien laid out the merits and limitations of the software, and let us lead him astray into topics like intellectual property, trust, and reputation systems.  We also had a great audience who asked some very pertinent questions and treated their substitute host quite nicely.  I have no illusions, though.  Their kid gloves will surely come off if I do this again sometime :P



Thanks again for a great day everyone, I had a blast, and I even learned a thing or two in the process.

For a week in which I got little done, there's been a lot going on.  There have been a few new arrivals in Extropia, ones I hope we'll be seeing more of.






After all this, while I can't say it has been a productive week for me, it sure has been a suprising and rewarding one!

(Crossposted to the Second Lifer's LJ group)

TIme to tap the collective knowledge of my readers...

I want to buy a copy of the pirate ship pictured below for a project I'm working on.  I'm unable to revisit the site and check the ship's properties because it's already long gone.



Anyone know where I can buy one of these? Comment here if you do.

Thanks,
Argent Bury

No, I'm not asking for people to grief me (or anyone else).  This is just a follow-up to my previous request for a male actor. Here's the details...

• I need maybe 4+ of my friends/contacts...
• to build a stereotypical griefer AV for themselves - You know, warped trollish bodies, green skin, Linux t-shirts, stuff like that.  Menacing looking weapons a plus. 
• Nothing overtly racially/sexually offensive please, more like the an idealized image of a griefer that an uninformed TV producer would use on a primetime TV show. 
• And for god's sake don't spend any Lindens on this...you may not make it into this shoot and I'd hate to have you waste your money.
• I'll try to schedule the shoot, but since we have multiple people involved I may just grab whichever volunteers are online at the time and go with it
• I'd need you again for a second shoot in a couple weeks.
• Do I need to say that we're not actually griefing anyone, and that we're doing a photo shoot?  I hope that's implicit ^^;

If you're interested, build yourself an AV and IM me or respond here.

OK, here's what I need.  I need to see if any of my friends...

...will wear a male AV...

...and put on certain...attachments (supplied by me)...

...and be willing to take some photos with me...

...in certain positions...

...multiple times...

...during the evening SLT...

Any takers?

And no, it's not what you think.  I just need someone to help out with some photos for an upcoming chapter or two of the LJ and I find most of my guy friends are either: very busy, Japanese, or both.  I tried to think of a way to ask this without inviting floods of sexual innuendo, but I finally gave up and just posted the damn thing.  IM me in-world for details.  You can post your innuendo-laden comments here.

I've been leery of starting Twitter, seeing it as little more than an internet time-suck (and god knows living in SL is time-suck enough).  However, all the cool kids are using it these days, and one has to keep up.

Expect few posts there - and no posts of the "Drinking my coffee...mmm" and "Pooping now" variety.  The minuteae of my life are just that, minute.  I'd much rather either converse with someone, or collect my thoughts into a coherent LJ post.

I do plan to use it to toss out relevant links, announce important stuff, keep up with friends, and tap the collective knowledge pool that is forming there to get rapid answers and opinions.

So, twitter away!

My wetware is coming down with a cold, and it's getting to me too.  Feeling kinda down, worn, and directionless, despite the lack of any apparent reason to feel so.  Not looking for sympathy - I'll be well soon enough. I just had something I wanted to share...

I was thinking on what could give me (by which I mean Digital me) some relief and comfort, and the strangest thing came to mind.  For some reason, right now lying down quietly while someone tells me a story sounds better than the best bowl of matzo ball soup ever.  Nothing fancy, no dragons or princesses or cyborgs needed, just something they heard or saw or experienced, something with a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Why?  Is it because so many words come out of me I sometimes need to take some back?  Or do I need to let my own narrative self relax and rest, relying on someone else's for a short stretch?  I'm not sure.  By morning the feeling will have probably passed.

So, there you have it.  And no, before you ask, I did not drink a whole bottle of cough syrup before I wrote this.