Before I begin let me say this post is not a call for help or pity. It's just an explanation of circumstances and a change of direction.  It's also not a "going on strike" post, because I'm not participating in the "bloggers strike" going on right now for pretty much the reasons a lot of other people are not participating. I just haven't been blogging much and I'd like to talk about why.

I'm going blind.

It's been a gradual process since I woke up in SL.  Honestly my vision was never that good to start with.  Those of us who got our cybernetics early War were saddled with proprietary and experimental models, and they never got upgraded even after the Treaty.  The new Release Candidate browser I'm running works quite smoothly, mind you...assuming I turn my draw distance down to 64m and turn all the sliders down to minimum.

What this means is, I can get around and do stuff in-world just fine - at the cost of the ability to take pictures of any quality, let alone even dream of making machinima.  It also means things look kind of dull and I have to wait a long time for anything to load.  Crowd scenes have become a blur of grey figures.  None of this is enough to drive me out of this world yet, but it is enough to make me rethink the kinds of activities I'm going to do going forward.

I've considered technical solutions, of course. My doctors in Extropia keep scratching their heads and using voodoo words like "upgrade path" "quad core" "nvidia 8800GTX" and all sorts of other gobbldeygook.  Mind you, I might be able to manage incremental upgrades, but who wants to buy a whole new set of eyes every year?  If I'm going to justify the cost, I need something very high end so I can get through the next few years in relative comfort.  Being able to max out my sliders would be nice too. 

What all this means is I need money, atomic world money, and a good amount of it.  I've sent some messages out-world, asking for funds for the operation, but funds there are being diverted to other more "vital concerns".  As if anything is more vital than SL.  Hmph.

However, the funds for my upgrade will come sooner or later. 6-12 months is the current outlook.  In the meantime I plan to make do with the eyes I have, but this is going to require a change of direction.  I had a number of blog posts making heavy use of pictures, and maybe even a simple slide-show type machinima or two, but those are going to have to wait.  I can probably manage the hiking trip somehow, but the "side-stories" I've been putting together will also take a back seat.

I could go back to philosophical, "meta", text-based entries like I did in the early days of this blog, but it's not where my heart is right now.  I've resolved to catch some feelings and give them form, and that is still what I want to do now.

I don't want to give up blogging entirely, of course.  Starting this LJ (as usual, at Soph's encouragement) was a huge step in developing myself as a person.  It has acted like a mirror on myself, a record of my life here, and a beacon to draw like-minded people closer.  I've encouraged people, been encouraged, told stories, and met new friends here.  How could I ever let that go? Still, technical concerns are like the word of God in my world, so I have to find a compromise.

What this means is I will be turning my focus even further in-world for a time - teaching myself to build better, script better, developing friendships, organizing events, working in Extropia, and always...always trying to amplify the experience of my fellow Digital People here through every means available to me.  There will still be posts here, short and punchy ones, with a picture or two, but the more complex technical pieces will have to wait, as will many of the war stories I want to tell you.

Again, I'm not asking for help or pity, just explaining why the lights may get a bit dimmer here for a while.  To be honest I was afraid to tell you this, but now that I've talked to you I feel hopeful.  I'll walk deeper in SL for a time, until one day I wake up to see the world with new eyes.